when a sparrow falls

God knows when a sparrow falls, or cockatiel. The falling process has been so much more difficult to deal with than the final release of death would be. June (my cockatiel) has been seizing today. Twice as of about 10 minutes ago. The process of his dying has taken so long. It makes me think that giving him water by hand and facilitating his being able to eat when he can't move about his cage has done him no favors. He would be dead already if I hadn't intervened and given him water. There was always the hope that one more day alive would be the day that his body would overcome whatever it is that is killing him. But I no longer think that he has a bacteria or virus, but something more like cancer. He is dying so slowly and with gradual system failure. I think he has been blind for some time now. He had been eating but I have seen tracks of his partially digested food down his front and pooled on the bottom of his cage. Now he is seizing. I don't know if I can keep from watering him though. I know I won't be able to ignore his stuggle. I'll be there to attempt to contain him, and then to resituate him on a perch.
I would rather that he would finally die before I leave. I do not want to think of him flopping about in a box and dying in a heap in the corner. I do not regret my decision not to take him to the vet. I am even more certain now that there is nothing that could have been done for him and the trip would have been very stressful to his already weakened body.
What a chipper post. - there is much more going on at the moment - trip preparations and general anxiety about flying out alone - but my heart is coping with the cockatiel. Hopefully his release will be completed with the rest of the trip preparations.